That Changed This Little Boy's Brain

I am about to ramble off some thoughts that may not be cohesive or make much sense. They will also be fairly ironic as I'm feeling hormonal and overly sensitive at the moment, which doesn't usually lead to many rational or reasonable thoughts.

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday, subject not important, that lead to the statement that I sound like a fairly high number of husbands in the world. That sitcoms show wives the way they do because that's how most wives are. That most husbands could be happier if their wives could be more rational thinking. And that most husbands find a way to be okay with their situation even though it sucks.

This makes me never ever want to be a wife again. And it makes me sad. I don't want to believe that somebody who is living with me, who's happiness is so very important to me, is learning to be OK with whatever crap and/or abuse I send their way and that they think it all sucks. What kind of life is that? For both people? I don't want to be seen as some shrewish harpy who is sucking someone's life. Their happiness. I want to add to it. I want to enhance it. And I want the same in return, ya know?

So, am I naive? Am I never going to be happy because I expect total happiness? Am I really a fairy tale believing romantic that hides under sarcasm and faux cynicism?

Or, am I just wanting a higher standard of living for myself because I believe that all persons can be more truly happy. And that I want that happy? I mean, I'm not sitting here thinking that people are perfect and that there won't be times that you look at your significant other and think "you know what...I'd like for them to shut their face for a bit." That's gonna happen. But the daily being OK with sitcom level nagging and crap? No. Not acceptable to me. It never will be.

And if that means I'm going to walk the world alone and never have somebody here to hug me when I need it or tell me about their day and ask me about mine as we cook dinner and then later giggle in the dark about whatever crappy TV show we watched, then...so be it. Because I don't think I should have to live a life with somebody who's made their peace that life with me is just "OK." And that makes me so sad it hurts.

And that's my hormone fueled thoughts on that.