Ok, for those of you that are too lazy or simply don't feel like going to YouTube and waiting and then fast forwarding and all that crap, I'll just tell you what it is. Because I like to be nice. Dammit.
Last night on the office Pam said something that basically sums up who I am.
I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that AlQaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me and she still hates me, so...That's me! This is how I think. Seriously. It makes no difference whether I like you or not. If I know you don't like me? It bothers me a great deal. Even though on the surface I try to be all who cares about stuff like that. I'm gonna be me and if people don't like it than fuck 'em!
Which, I do believe that. That if you don't like me, like...the real me, fuck off. But, I think what I'm trying to sort out is the fact that I think everyone should like me. Does this mean I think I'm awesome? I think that's what is really puzzling me the most about my mind set. Do I, deep down inside, think that I'm super awesome and super likable? Or am I just that fucking insecure that I need everyone to like me?
But then, every so often, I start to wonder the opposite. I question why the people who DO like me, do. Because there are people in the world who do not, you know, like me. So, maybe they're the ones that are right. And maybe those of you who do like me are somehow crazy in some way.
Yeah. I know. I just called all my friends crazy. You're welcome.
My rational brain tells me that everyone doesn't like everyone else no matter how super terrific they are and that it doesn't mean there's something wrong with me, them, or you. But my rational brain is over-ruled sometimes. Like right now.
Also, kinda a long the same vein, I posted a photo the other day on Flickr and talked about how I shoulder responsibility for things that I really have no part in because of my need to not hurt anyone's feelings and blah blah. And someone left this comment:
You're just a very responsible person who likes life running on an even keel and you're willing to act on those desires and take on responsibility to make it so.How is it possible for a stranger to know me that well? Or is this a general type comment that's easily read to be so insightful. Because from where I sit? This person nailed it! But I'm also the crazy version of Andrea today so, la la la la!
This is less a real writing of anything than it is just me dumping out some crazy. And I'm not sorry.
3 comments:
I like you ...I even watched the entire 5:51 minutes of the Office excitedly waiting to see you on TV. Damn the was some trickstering (yeah new word - write that down). I didn't see you at 5:51 and discovered your real intention of this post ...and I still think your fab.
Sure would like to have those 6 minutes back though.
The Office is the best show.
I <3 Pam.
Interesting. Intriguing.
I want people to like me and am always surprised when they don't, but I also have this part of me that thinks they are the ones missing out if they don't like me. So there.
I have no idea what it means exactly. I guess since most people like me I don't worry about it too much. The were two times in my life when someone just really hated me. Once because they were jealous over the guy I was dating and once because they were having some major life/depression issues and needed to take it out on someone.
And now I'm wondering if my lack of worry over my grammar and punctuation has bothered you. Do you hate me? Hee hee!
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