As I was driving home from work yesterday it occurred to me that I had just posted a bunch of words that made it sound as if I was complaining that I'd never been a junkie or some shit like that. And I got embarrassed.
And then, because the thought popped into my head, I was convinced that I talked about the fact that I don't inspire passion in people. Based on the fact that nobody has ever driven for two hours, parked outside of my house and then slept in their car overnight to make sure I saw them and they could plead their case to me the next day. Totally forgetting the detail that this person was a junkie. And totally forgetting that I didn't write about that because the thought just popped into my head.
And then, I spent the rest of the evening having long bouts of uncontrollable crying!
Welcome to my brain on birth control. I've entered that magical week and a half-ish time frame where I lose all sense of logic and reason for pockets of time, I spout off whatever mess pops into my brain and then, oh....about 30 minutes or so later I realize what I've done and I'm deeply embarrassed and have no desire to face anyone ever again.
So, no more birth control for me. None. For a few reasons. One? I'm tired of being a guinea pig trying to find one that is going to work for me. Two? I don't exactly need it at this juncture in my life. And three? My health insurance has changed at work due to the economy and my current gynecologist doesn't take my insurance and to continue to go to her I'm going to have to pay the out of network costs so now I can only go see her for my annual exam and emergencies. I'm not going to pay extra money to go crazy once a month. I'm just not.
So. That's that. I don't wish I was a junkie. I don't wish I was dysfuntional in order to feel interesting. I don't wish I attracted the attention of dysfunctional, junkie type men who do weird and obsessive things to feel that I'm desired or make people feel that passionate about me and being with me. But, apparently, whatever hormone they use in OrthoTricyclen Lo does. Crazy fucking hormone.
Next month? You'll get to hear all about how my cramps are trying to murder me by making my uterus explode and that I just filmed the sequel to Carrie. I know...I'm excited about that, too.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
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3 comments:
Hey I drove 2 hours to see you. Granted I didn't park outside your door and wait for you to see me, but that's just a minor detail. ;)
You know, I believe there are some natural vitamins or herbs or some shit that you can take to help with the cramping. Maybe you can look it up online. Take the holistic approach, man. OR you could smoke pot. I hear that makes cramps go away. =)
And, it might make you feel less boring! I bet Randi could hook you up when you go there for her wedding! hee hee!
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