I'm basically a person that has always had some sense or need for security. To know that things will be and are taken care of. I'm not one of those risk takers. One of those people that just packs up and moves and does things without thinking it to death. And this has probably held me back in some ways. I've let fear and insecurity rule me a lot. This is a big reason why I'm still in Virginia after all of this time.
Over the weekend, I bought a daisy. I love daisies. They are my favorite flower. And I'd not had a daisy since I moved out of our house and into my apartment. Because I wasn't going to be there long. That's what I kept telling myself. I won't be here very long. I'm going to get the hell out of Virginia and the daisy will be left behind and that would be sad.
Yeah, I know. "Why are you leaving it behind, what's the deal here?" I have a long history of leaving plants behind. I don't know why. I love my plants. I do. But when I'm packing and getting things in the truck the plants seem to never fit! And so they get left. With hopes that the next people moving in will take care of them.
But, here it is like a year and a half later and I'm still here. Still in Virginia. Still in this fucking hell hole of a soggy apartment. So, I said fuck it and bought myself a daisy. And I repotted it. And I've been watering it. And talking to it. I told it as I repotted it, "you just watch. I'll get an interview in Arizona now. And it will be because of you!"
Well....I didn't get an interview. But I did get laid off. Potato / rice crispies, right? No! I'm looking at the rice crispies as if they are a potato. It's not an interview, but it is an opportunity. A chance to make a change in my life. The safety net has been removed. There is no reason for me to NOT be a risk taker right now. To not grab my own life by its horns and do and go and be! So, yeah. That's what I'm gonna shoot for.
I'm currently freaked out. But, I'm also currently believing and knowing that I can do it. I'm smart. I'm strong. I'm independent. And I'm not the first person that has been in this situation. I'm not going to die. I'm not going to be homeless. I'm going to be fine. And I'll be fine on my terms. And I'll be fine where I want to be. And that's just really all there is to that.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
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5 comments:
You are SO right and in the right frame of mind. It was the same thought process I had when I lost my job literally the DAY after I left my ex-husband. I wasn't sad. It was time to start over and get to the next chapter in my life. And this is the perfect time for you. I know it's scary. But you can do it! You are smart, beautiful, strong and independent. And I believe that the next step you take will make you happier.
Watching your progression over the last couple of years I have no doubt you will make it. Fate or whatever has given you enough time to find yourself before kicking you out of the nest. :)
Hopefully your daisy will survive the AZ summers. Hot!
Remember Itchy, who went to Scrapbook conventions and wouldn't show us her face, just the back of her curly hair? I swear you've gotten younger, spunkier, braver, bolder in the last five years. This is just another phase in your transformation.
But really. Unemployment is kinda cool. Just take a few minutes to enjoy the fact that Obama is giving you money to sleep until noon and watch Maury.
Happy Birthday!
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