And You Were Right There Next To Me

So, I went to the movies last weekend or the weekend before or whatever and took a few notes as I sat there eating my popcorn and watching people and the previews and ads and whatnots. And by taking notes I really mean I sent myself emails from my BlackBerry as I sat there eating my popcorn and watching people because I'm totally that person now. But, anyway, I'm no longer sure if I remember what they mean. But I'll give it a go, I need to get these messages out of my inbox:

• Free tropical slushy at each orthodontist appointment: I suspect that I found it amusing that this orthodontist is trying to entice people that care about having straight teeth to come to his office with a sugar concoction of ice and sugary colored water stuff. Or? I may have thought "Why didn't MY orthodontist give ME a damned tropical slushy. I love that banana flavored one. Mmmmm...." Hard to say.
  

• Trophy's steakhouse: This one is easy. There I was just eating my layered buttered popcorn because, really, if you're going to get it buttered, you don't just want the top portion buttered. Hell no. You want that shit evenly dispersed. And now you know that if you go to the movies with me I'll be the person that smiles nicely and says "can you please layer the butter please? Thanks!" I have the ER on speed dial for when my arteries clog and harden. But, back to the point at hand....this fancy restaurant here? This Trophy's? Yeah...you can go there and eat steak while dead and stuffed animals hang out watching you. That's just rude. I can't be that big of an asshole. I cannot imagine that I'd be able to sit there eating on a dead cow while a moose is right there watching me. They're like, cousins or something. And yeah the moose is dead, but it has eyes and it's there and it's standing and good lord. I have a heart! One filled with movie theatre butter and steak fat, but it's a heart nonetheless and I can't eat steak with dead animals standing around looking at me with their dead eyes!

• Movie theatre encourages texting and video usage as you wait for previews: And clearly it worked since I was emailing myself stupid assed notes such as this. Who does this?!??! Not the emailing themselves notes, because clearly I do this. But what movie theatre decides to fuck all rules and protocol and instead let's have everyone texting and watching videos we're telling you about as you sit and wait. The movies aren't annoying enough. Except, it was really quite a pleasant experience. Hmm...I need more details with my notes, clearly.

• So much ac in use, I'm always cold: Really? I included this in my notes? This needed to be emailed to myself? I probably should have watched the videos the Sprint ad man was directing me towards instead of emailing myself!

• AZ state fair commercials are dumb: This statement gives the impression that other state's commercials for their fairs aren't dumb. And we all know that is not true. I am clearly out of practice at this whole "paying attention in public for funny things to observe and make comment on as if nobody else in the world has ever thought about doing such a thing for I am original. And brilliant!"
  

• Free iPod with braces consultation: This orthodontist wins! And also, is it really that hard to get people to straighten their teeth these days? Have straight teeth gone out of style? Or are more people walking around with naturally straight teeth? Do I need to add this to the list of things that are oh so unfair about my life that I was born in the era where snaggle teeth were the norm and you had to get braces and not have an iPod and not have banana flavored tropical slushies given to you for free and I had to walk around barefoot in the snow and it was hilly in all directions and and and.....PERMS!!!! AND HUGE BANGS!!! WITH BRACES!!!

I'm not quite sure where to go after all of that. So I'll just go to bed. Seems like the best choice really...