No Way I'm Disco Dancing

OK...here's something different. See this photo? This is me in a dress that I actually think looks really very nice and good on me. No, I've not been taken over by aliens and this isn't an imposter. I know. Weird. I'm not even in a good mood!

Anyway, look at the dress. See how it's made. Know that I like how it looks on me and that I'm comfy when I wear it. Some people have even suggested I strut when I wear it. Yeah...right...I strut. *snort*

But, again, back to my point. *ahem* I'm in a wedding in May and I need a black dress and I have three that I think I like, one of which I really really like, but the other two are growing on me more and more the more I look at them. So, I want opinions.

Take a look at each of these dresses and let me know which one you think would make me feel it looks as nice as this dress does, makes me feel comfy and a bit pretty, and perhaps will even make me strut. If, you know, I were prone to such things...

Dress 1: Sophia
Dress 2: Delores
Dress 3: Lyndsey

Thank you for your assistance.

Hello There The Angel From My Nightmare

I'm a wee bit tired of second guessing people's motivations and getting my feelings hurt over stupid things that may or may not have been said by small and spiteful people. I'm tired of thinking and believing that I've wronged someone or somehow did something to deserve all of these little hurts that keep happening to my life. Instead? I'm choosing to believe that I'm just so damn awesome that these people are jealous and that makes them act like dicks. Yeah.

It's not working, though.

I'm sure it's just PMS settling in again making me all weepy and contemplative and filled with angst. Which yay! Gotta love that. Gotta love looking around at all the other girls of the world with their girly ways and their feminine features and their extra efforts and feeling like a big clod with a loose grasp on social graces.

Next week I'll be fine with me and I'll laugh and shrug off that I was feeling like this today. That's how I do. I laugh and shrug. To prevent people from seeing that what just happened actually bothered me. Actually hurt my feelings. Actually had any effect on me whatsoever. Shrug and laugh. Oh me oh my. I'm so well adjusted and healthy in my mind.

Also? I only have thirty days until I leave for Ireland. I need to not treat this like I do other trips. This is big. I need to be more planned out and more prepared. I don't even know how much money I've saved. I've been tossing change in my piggy bank for a while now. Yeah...I know. Change?!?!? I'm going to Ireland on loose change?!?!?!? This is my reality.

I've realized I've been coasting, for the most part, on auto-pilot for a good while now. Sure I have moments where I take over the controls. I've gone out into the world. I've hung out with people and had a good time. But in the big ways? The important parts of my life? Coasting. Totally. I admitted this to myself this morning. Now I gotta do something about that. Now that I did the therapyesque looking in the mirror and saying "Andrea, you're in autopilot. Knock it off." Once you get to that point you can't really continue down the same path. That's like the rules or something.

And even though my doctor thinks I'm all into carpal tunnel to the point that I've been flirting with it, I'm still thinking it's stress related. Because last night as I sat in my big comfy chair and sobbed like someone who just realized that there are no Twinkies in the house and all you really want more than anything in the world is a fucking Twinkie, my arms just felt so relaxed. They were loose. They were happy. They were not numb in anyway. My fingers were strong. So...crying relieves the pressure on my neck/shoulders that creates numbness in my arms and hands. I'm convinced.

So...there.

You Ask Me If I'll Kiss You

So, I went back to the doctor yesterday to find out the results of my tests in regards to the arms and the numb and the yeah. And after making me hold my arms in a silly position for a few minutes which made my wrists rather tired, he explained that I've been flirting with carpal tunnel.

How does he know what I do in my spare time?

Seriously? Flirting with carpal tunnel? I, some how for some reason that is still unknown to me, find carpal tunnel so attractive that I've flirted with it? Really? I want my arms to go numb randomly? I want my wrists to be tired and my pinkies to be numb from time to time? I'm crazier than I thought.

And...if I'm going to be going around flirting with odd things why not flirt with whiter teeth? Or a flatter belly? The winning lottery numbers? Or, I dunno...an ACTUAL DUDE?!?!?!?

Is this an actual diagnosis? Can I get worker's comp for this? Or since the doctor has put on record that I flirted with it am I shit out of luck? What if I can prove that carpal tunnel flirted with me first? And that I've been dodging his advances? Because, really, carpal tunnel is not that hard to catch. I've seen some of the people who have won him over...carpal tunnel is a whore. There. I said it. Somebody had to.

Next week on Lifetime you'll see my movie "Mother May I Flirt With Carpal Tunnel."

Seriously.

Because We Hadn't Slept For Days

I'm not going to say much about this because I'm not that eloquent with the words...but what we witnessed last night, as cheesy as this may be, has restored my faith in people. Has made me believe that yes, people can come together and get along and work side by side and not let any silly crap get in the way. Because we're all people. And we're all in this together.

I attended two rallies for Senator (now, President-elect!) Obama this year, and the experiences have stuck with me. Because I'd never been around so many people in one place and not run into at least one asshole, one naysayer, one person with nothing positive to add to anything. I mean, you go to the post office and stand in line and listen for a few minutes. You'll hear some grumblies. But at these rallies, with the long lines, and the huge crowds, and all the people...there was nothing but positivity. There was nothing but people filled with hope for better things for themselves and the people they love. People filled with hope for better things for all of their neighbors and fellow Americans. People who reached out to help a stranger when she almost passed out. People who graciously passed water around to ensure everyone in the area had some. People smiling. People chatting to strangers happily. Just, positivity pouring out of them in waves.

And to watch that come in via voting results on the TV last night was just overwhelming to me. When CNN gave the win to Obama, I instantly cried. To know that it wasn't isolated to this area. That people everywhere really are filled with goodness and hope for something better for all of us. And when McCain graciously conceeded and asked for unity and support of our new President, the tears came again.

And then, as a person raised in West Virginia, for me to look at that map and see that it was not a major landslide for McCain....well that gave me hope too. As silly as that may seem. But it matters to me. It just does.

And when my sister called me this morning to let me know she'd picked me up a copy of the USAToday (selling out quickly around here) and read me the headline...I cried again.

It's nice to believe in people again. It really is.

The Sex In My Walk Was Cotton Soft

I went out into the world last night. Where the people are. And took in some sights. And took in some sounds. And acted like a member of society. It was good.

I went out with a friend of mine and her husband to see two bands that I'd not heard of. That, in case you don't know, is something that I so very much enjoy. Learning about new bands. Being exposed to music I may not know about. Live. Emailed to me. Sent to me in the mail on a mix tape style CD. All of the above. I'm for it. It makes my heart happy. So, back to my point...if I really have one, that is.

The first band was Gang Gang Dance. Now...that's not who we were there to see. And, I didn't hate sitting through it...but apparently it's not my type of thing. I felt like I was in a new agey therapy session gone very very wrong during the majority of their performance. Which, just kinda started in a random way that made you think they were warming up and then you realize that oh, no, this is it. This is their thing. And the video that I'm listening to, that I linked to above, as I type this is not bad. It has more of a flow than most of what they played last night. Most of the songs seemed to just turn into these randomly screamy helium fueled sounding fits of rage that made me feel like it was building up to something and it filled me with anticipation and the desire to have a release and then....nothing. They'd just end.

One thing that caught my eye as they performed was a dude in the front row dressed up as a frog doing interpretive type arm dancing with his froggy attired appendanges. That was super terrific to me. To be sitting up in the balcony area waiting for this super terrific release of musical desire and then a random froggy arm pop up in some sort of act of primalness. Or something. It tickeled me.

The next band, the one that we were there to see? of Montreal. Yeah...them I liked. They were theatrical. They were all switching instruments. They can all play whatever needs to be played. There was dancing characters. The music is dancey. The lyrics, from what I could make out in a live setting being unfamiliar with them, are darkish in nature. Which, who doesn't love some darky dancey music? Seriously? Who?!!? So, that was super.

So, I had a successful outing out into the world with people. With people that I didn't meet via the 'net. I met them via work. And this strikes me odd at the moment...because all day today as I've sat in front of my computer and caught up with people here and there and I've read comments and looked at photos and this, that, and the other...I've been feeling very much that people are strange.

This whole...meeting people and being online friends thing...it can lead to strange-os. Not all the time, mind you. I've forged some very strong and meaningful relationships this way. Met people that I hope, and basically assume, will be part of my life for some time to come. And I love that. I do!

But, then there's the others. The ones that seem to get some deep sense of familiarity with you because of what you've shared on your blog. Or shared via photos. Or whatever formats you are making yourself available here on the 'net. The ones that just go from zero to BFFs in one single comment. I find that strange. So, I'm glad I have that reality check. That I can take a step back. That I can see the strange. That I'm not so wrapped up in some sense of my own awesomeness simply because a bunch of random strangers call me "a dear friend" and tell me I'm super.

I don't know.

Things are just hitting me strange today. I feel upside down. I woke up and it was light outside and now it's dark and I've got the damned Doors running through my head telling me how strange people are when you're a stranger and that faces are ugly when you're alone and I'd rather not be hearing that at the moment. But I can't shut it off. It's my brain. Apparently it wants to work today.

So, I think that was my point. If I really have one. Ever. Yeah. In summation, people are strange. The end.