Even Though You're Not Mine

So, I just took a trip. And I learned stuff about myself. And things I already knew were more solidified in my brain. I kinda love that. Discovering that I do, really, have a pretty good grasp on who I am. It's nice. I just need to get more comfortable with it now that I got it all figured out. Sure.

And? I'm friggin' exhausted. I need a nap. Or three. Yeah. Vacation is hard...here's some thoughts:

• Vegas is cheesy and dudes are simple. If you ever need some attention, put on some boy shorts, a tight t-shirt, knee high socks, and a black wig and go to the Vegas sign at midnight. Boys will talk to you no matter how aloof and bitchy you are and your Mom will tell you that you look like a whore. Good times.
• Fish tacos aren't just good for inappropriate jokes when hanging out with a bunch of women, they're actually quite tasty. Even if you giggle and act like a 13 year old boy the entire time.
  
• Joshua trees are not trees at all! And? It is possible to hang out with a bunch of them and not make any references to U2. Sweet.
• Honestly...not shy. Damn. I'm all talkative and shit. I really need to get over this one. Again, if I don't talk around you it means a few things. Some are good. Some are not. I'll let that one be vague and then if I meet you and I'm all quiet you can stress and wonder why. I'm quite evil. Truth had to come out sooner or later.
  
• I fucking love Arizona. I knew this. Everyone knows this. It just smacks me in the face anytime I'm there. The scenery. The sky. The air. The feeling. The roads. All of it. Arizona. Yeah.
• I love Flight of the Conchords. Sure, the second season was way less solid than the first, but it had some laughs. So, when I sat down to watch them live with my bestest friend (I put BFF at first and that made me giggle. What are the rules here? Can you call a 30 year old man your BFF? Or do we need to paint each others' nails and braid each others' hair before that term is acceptable? Or do I just need to be less 36 for that term to not be silly? Ah well...) and the first song they did was from the second season, I was a bit worried. And then they did a song from the first season. And it was...weird. Like, when you see the Foo Fighters and they go into "I'll Stick Around" it's awesome! They're a rock band and they are rockin' the tunes. But FoTC is a comedy band. And for me, that made it a bit different. So, hearing all the familiar songs was like...good and enjoyable...but the in between banter was better, since I'd not heard it before. And Stana friggin' killed me. And molested me with my dog. And I think it was because that was new and the humor caught me off guard. I wasn't ready and prepared. That's part of the appeal of comedy. The not seeing it coming, ya know? Or something. I don't know. That makes no sense. When you go see Seinfeld you know you're gonna hear some funny stuff so it's not like the funny sneaks up and pokes you on the shoulder or something. I'm rambling. Anyway....FoTC...live....good stuff. The crowd? Can lick my balls, however. Yeah.
  
• I love the hell out of a road trip. Good god. I can be sad and surly and blue and just fucking down, man. Put me on an open road with great weather and great scenery and I'll turn it around. This is true. I'll smile. Smiles on my face. They happen.
• If you are travelling in a rental car on an open road and being happy as shit and you consistently catch yourself doing about 95...you should take advantage of the cruise control. Otherwise, you'll get pulled over and given a ticket. Don't let this happen to you.
• If you have a BlackBerry Bold...do NOT set a password on the phone. Just don't. Because it will lose it's mind and tell you the password is invalid even though it is not and then after 10 attempts it will wipe the entire phone clean as you watch. It was quite sad. Yeah.
• I wish my hair had loose flowy curls everyday. I'm also a fan of how nice my fingers and toes look with the super cool polish on them. I had no idea I'd enjoy being all swishy and girly. This is what Randi's wedding taught me. Go figure.
• Randi's friends are awesome. Here I am, an outsider, being involved in one of the biggest days of their friend's life. And for some girls, that's hard to take. Some girls feel a sense of ownership over their friends when a wedding is involved. But these ladies were great. They accepted me to the point where I wasn't even considered a guest. And that really meant a lot to me. It really did. Randi has good girls. I'm honored to be included in that.
  
• I enjoy dancing. But will only do so when drunk. I danced at Randi's wedding. After insisting for three days that I was not drinking at all on the boat. Not only did I drink on the boat, which yes did include us all dancing to and singing along with "I'm On A Boat", I continued to drink at the bar after the fact. Strawberry mint mojitos are my new best friend. I think I can call a strawberry minty drink my BFF, that sounds acceptable.
• When you are still a bit drunk when you wake up for your flight, you do not need Xanax to fly. And flying is no fun once the drunk leaves and the hangover hits. No fun at all.
• Coming home after a wedding to an airport full of people hugging and happy to see each other and then driving alone to your empty apartment that doesn't even have your dogs waiting for you at....kind of a bummer. Yeah.

And that's my vacation in a nutshell.

I'll Be Around If You Think You Might Love Me

My apartment recently flooded again. This time, though, was my own fault. My washing machine had a major meltdown and I was in Andrea La La Land not paying attention to things like the water filling the machine for hours. Hey, don't you judge me...Andrea La La Land is magical. And there's cotton candy.

The maintenance people were really very nice and did some testing on the machine to verify that it was, in fact, my machine and not a water line somewhere. Which, they only did that to cover their own asses, but it helped me see what the issue may have been. And, more lucky for me, was that my Dad was coming to see me that weekend.

So, I discussed with my Dad what happened and he and Google agreed that I needed a new timer assembly.

I ordered. I waited. It arrived. I put it on.

Now, during the putting it on process I ran into a snag and by the power of Greyskull, erm, I mean thanks to Google, I found the answer to the snag and fixed it. I fixed my washing machine.

At the time, yes, I was way proud and impressed and strutted around with my chest poked out and boasted to the dogs and maybe even sent a smug email or two. But then I found out my Dad was doing the same thing back home.

Now, the fact that my Dad is running around telling everyone he runs into that his 36 3/4 years old daughter fixed her own washing machine in the same manner he'd run around and tell them that I just learned to tie my own shoes or ride a bike or some shit like that made me really sit and ponder life and the nature of Dads.

What I've realized is that my Dad isn't really so much proud that I fixed the washing machine on my own as he is excited and pleased that I won't have to have sex with a man anymore. I suspect that in his mind the more things I do like this on my own, the more I'll realize I don't need one of those bad boys around that just want to sex me up and I'll stay single and his little girl forever. He can forget that whole me being married thing ever happened because I can fix my washing machine on my own. And? I can pick out a good damned tire, too.

Yeah, the tire thing. It makes way more sense to me now how much he admires the tires I bought for my Blazer. "They're how old? They show no wear! You really know how to pick out a tire. I'm impressed!"

"You got your oil changed on your own? Without being reminded? Excelleeeent."

"You hung up all of this stuff on the walls? Yourself? With a level? Here, let me buy you a saw."

"You found the main water valve to your apartment? Sweet...."

He's making me self sufficient not to make sure I save money or anything like that. He's turning me back into a virgin in his brain. I'm convinced of it.

Think I'd Be Safer All Alone

I have lots of different songs and albums on my 'Pod, right? Like we all do. One of those albums is the Muppet Show album. And I listen to my 'Pod at work on a daily basis on shuffle. As a lot of us do. And sometimes something wonderful happens that can really turn things around.

Every so often a really good song will be on. And I'll be into it. And I'll be groovin' to it. And I'll enjoy the shit out of it. And it goes off and the next thing that comes on is Statler and Waldorf complaining about how awful it was. Like they do. And it's awesome. It tickles me every time. Without fail.

And now you know that about me.