They're Gonna Eat Me Alive

It seems the critters have determined that I'm way too damned comfy in my nice new abode and they've made it their mission to shake things up. Make me squirmy. Make my throat all sore and hoarse and stuff from screaming.

First, I find a dead scorpion. Yes, I know, it was dead. But still. I'd not seen one, it was in my garage, and at one point it was alive in my garage. You see that? ALIVE! Not when I found it, no. But again, I repeat, it started out alive. But I managed to deal with the dead scorpion and go about living my life.

Then, last week, I find two black widow spiders. Count 'em. One. Two. One. Two. TWO black widow spiders. Hanging out. Being friends. Making some plans. Being spidery. A friend of mine with a bigger and braver foot killed one of them. The other one? The one that is not killed? Ran away. Hid out. Saw my friend and the bigger braver foot and hightailed it outta there.

And now?

Now when I leave my house I'm convinced that this spider is out there waiting. Plotting. Planning, even. Saving up money to buy a tiny iPod with tiny speakers and it's going to steal my wifi and it's going to download "In the Air Tonight" and I'll go out there one day and I'll hear this tiny version of this song that reminds me of Miami Vice and I'll stop to look around for a tiny Don Johnson or tiny Phillip Michael Thomas and that is when this spider will spring into action! It will put down its tiny iPod and tiny speakers and revenge will be his! Revenge for its fallen friend! Revenge in the form of a spidery Lloyd Dobler. Oh! The horribleness of it all! Damned crafty spiders and their hate!

It could be entirely possible that I have too much free time on my hands...